I'm no Social Media Expert

But my heart goes out to the poor Lalaloupsie Facebook content editor this xmas. The dolls are so well loved but may the greedy fuckers who bought 7 dolls for their kids sure are demanding. The packaging is a bitch but come on folks... you have kids... work it out. That's how things roll with kids toys. I really wonder how that poor person is managing who's dealing with the slew of people leaving comments... I left a wee pic of Sienna with hers for fun... my fun of course as I'm quite sure I'm more taken with the damn thing than she is but still... Anyway. hats off to you Lalaloupsie Facebook moderator, it's been a long day!

We had a lovely xmas. Sienna was well tired but I think still managed to have fun. It took the better part of 2h for her to settle for her nap today and then at bedtime it was another 2h until she finally passed out. It's all a bit much for her to process poor thing. She's still got 5 or 6 gifts unopened yet as she couldn't quite cope with opening them yet. So sweet.

Grandpa has astounded us all and pulled up his strength to spend our 'normal' xmas with us. He's such a fighter. Amazing that someone who's approaching a 100 years old is still fighting so hard to savor all he can with his family. We're truly honoured. Mum mentioned to me that he still sleeps cuddled up to my Grandmother every night. I had no idea. What an amazing love story... I can but aspire to such. I've got a lot to learn!

Off to bed now. I'm blissed out in the lovely scent of Coco Chanel. Mum bought me the amazing set for xmas with 5 mini bottles of Channel perfume. I'm loving it. It's the first time in my life I've been given perfume and man, was it worth the wait. Blessed and blissed. Happy Xmas everyone.


Sienna and the infamous Lalaloupsie... telling Isabella all about it.

If there was no more work to do for this certain employer ever again

it wouldn't be too soon :)

Someone got the I've worked more than humanly possible lately and can do no more syndrome? *raises hand* I'm doing my very best to finish this last project for them perfectly. A swan song... best not be a black swan!

Life admin tasks pile up and my room is a wash of legal documents and various other admin things that I've had to contend with in these pas few months. Thinking back, i'm not quite sure how i plowed through it all... It's not over yet. I'm still waiting for the Visa for wee me too arrive... and they have my passport too so it's a waiting game... they said it can take 12 weeks... i had less than 4 when I sent it in. So I guess it's up to the fates now. How much did it hurt to pay that fee for the damn visa? A lot! But hey... it's all part of the process.

I feel like I've forgotten to buy like a zillion xmas presents but you know what? Right now it's just too damn bad. The minute I close the lid on the laptop on xmas even afternoon I hope to be done with it for a good long time... ha who am I fooling?

Happy almost xmas everyone!

This year no one was screaming

but they do look quite serious.


Sienna, Charlotte & Isabella and the trusty Brampton Santa

Work is slowly easing off a bit which is good so I can actually maybe work normal hours and perhaps have the first weekend off in ages... it is xmas and all.

Am I finished my shopping? Lord knows. You get what you get folks and Karm... this year yours is subversive! The clerk didn't know what that meant. I giggled. I'm mean.

I know.... hey well i've paid it forward a bit with regards to karma so lets call it even shall we?

Just a little bit sad

It's been just a little bit sad as for the past year my grandfather has been quite ill and not really getting better... It's great that we're here to spend some time with him but I fear his time is nearly up. I mean he's nearly 92 so that's amazing. It's just hard to see people suffer as they get weaker and weaker and there isn't much you can do to keep their spirits up. So we've been doing daily visits to him and my Grandma to try and keep things jolly. Mum has been baking up a storm and we're carting the goods over to them to enjoy. It's really the strangest thing as you feel terrible that you can't do anything to make it better. Life can be one great challenge after another, learning how to balance the positive and keep focusing on the 'now' is key especially when a loved one is nearing departure.

We're doing our best how to figure it all out and stay strong. Hang on gramps! It's so very nearly xmas.

As the days before xmas tick by

I've been mostly busy working... no surprise there... and working A LOT on this monster project which will be my swan song with my current employer. I've accepted a new job and will be starting in January. Back to old blighty for me and wee me... that is if her settlement visa arrives in time. Ha there's my latest life stress to contend with. I wish I could say that we're swimming in air miles but alas we are not... those things only seem truly profitable for business travellers.

My gym visits have been sparce but there is still time yet to enjoy that wee luxury... We've done birthdays and xmas tree cutting... then shopping and more working and snow duties too. It's always nice to be home at xmas.

On an even more exciting front I'm soooooooo sooooooo lucky to snag a few days for a mini holiday in NYC in the new year. It was a last minute arrangement and it almost feels like a dream to be able to have a tiny bit of 'disconnect' from normal life for a few days with one of my favorite people in the whole world. I can't think of the last time I've been able to relax in a very long time. I am so very fortunate and greatful.

Quite the year... If I wrote all the details of what I've been through here, I'm sure you wouldn't even believe me. I'm wondering if that's too long a title for my novel that I should write?


Okay so it's not like the palm tree option but insert me here in early Jan!

As I write... xmasie weather is fluttering down

Unlike London, Toronto has been very tardy on the snow-front. Something I' m grateful for but today it's arrived and it's quite a calm but quiet flurry.

Working and interviewing for new jobs is very time consuming. I'm sometime not sure how to fit it all in. Then there is the small issue of xmas shopping to finish as well...

Perfect time for a xmas cough and cold. My body just wants to curl up and sleep it off. Sadly, not an option.

As time speeds up on one side I can't help but feel certain things in life suddenly feel even further away. This has got to be my biggest exercise in patience ever... okay, well for a long time. *deep breaths and lots of ahmmmmmmmmmmmms* miss millie would say

We did our best to try and captue one shot of all 3 girls with the great grandparents. It was however, not to be... this is as close as we got. But it was of course the girl's birthday party so there was way too much going on to convince them to stay still for more than 3 seconds.

The Lion is done...

Or so I'm telling myself. Sienna wants him to have a body but i'm not quite sure how to do it... so he's an artistic floating head....


off to the chaos that will be isabella and charlotte's join 1st and 3rd birthday party. Thankful am I that this side of the family offers alcohol :) I know i know...

Sorted!

I'm so happy to report that after a long and heart wrenching battle I've got full legally recognized custody of wee me! I'm sad for her father and the love that I once had for him. I'm sad that lies and deceit and desire for self satisfaction where so great that he let it overtake his life to the point where he had no option but to give up his part in the life of his own child. But also happy about better futures and more positive directions for both her and I. So yes, its' a bit bittersweet but we'll focus on the sweetness as we've had just about enough of the bitterness to last a lifetime.

I've been a busy beaver doing job interviews and laying out future plans and getting things sorted. It feels like spring so too bad it's winter... perhaps we should skip on over to Australia and enjoy their summer instead!?!?

So thank you lucky stars and powers that be as well as friend and family for getting me through these dark days.

I think I could quite possibly be at risk...

Of getting a sun burn through the window. After so many days of gray the sun has finally come out here and I'm soaking up some well needed vitamin D.

My ipod has been re-named to Lazarus as after some kind person in my gym left a present of a puddle of water in the ipod holder on the treadmill it got fizzled... but after some drying out near to the heat register, it came back to life! I'm all too pleased as I really would be very sad to not have it with me at the gym! And I really don't want to drop another 250 bucks for a new one right just now!

I actually had to write a letter to the tax office here requesting to pay taxes... It felt against the law of nature to do so but, required... but after you've been away for a while your tax number becomes inactive. Bank account re-opened and I think nearly ready to acutally invoice for all the work I've been doing. Slowly and surely I'm getting back closer to even after all the expenses that i've had to absorb lately. Secretly I'm convincing myself that I"ll have a big fat 'tropical holiday fund' sorted... a girl can dream can't she?

Dreaming is good, and damn it when my next holiday does become a reality i'll know that i've damn well earned it triple-fold!

(insert me here please)

Thank you courts...

For accepting my petition!!! I'm so pleased that I'm one step closer to fully recognized legal custody and to drawing a line under this dark chapter. Better and brighter things ahead!

Now if I could only get my focus back and plow through all this work that is piling up.

My sister's little Charlotte turned one yesterday. What a tough first year she had... but she's a strong little fighter and as healthy as ever now. She's so cute, even more so now that she's walking.

Not long now until the snow arrives. My winter coat search is still fruitless so in the interim I picked up a cheapie one which I'm sure I'll just end up keeping forever and ever... better than being cold!!!!!

Anyone with any doubts...

even in the slightest about having a child with someone or getting married should seriously spend a few hours down at the local court house. Honestly, the service that I've had from my local court is fantastic but the harsh reality of everyone's situations that are there is really shocking. The family court section has a very good lesson to offer to people in the reality of the consequence of it all when it doesn't go right. Not that you can live your whole life in fear of 'what if this all goes wrong' but It's a good reality check as to if you're not certain about it then to really seriously think it through as when it all goes wrong, it's a long an complicated process both administratively, financially and emotionally. It's been difficult for me but I can't imagine how much worse it is for a lot of the people whom I saw dealing with much more complicated situations ...

Pink Lion Painting

Status update... making progress... hopefully in the right direction

Entry 976

Wow we're nearly at 1000 blog entries. It's been many many years since I've started writing. I don't know if I'm stubborn or actually enjoy keeping up this blog. There aren't too many folks out that who've been at it for so long. I'm far from being the most archaic but still it's been a long time folks.

We've been spared large snowfalls as of yet here in Canadialadia. I'm still of course missing Barcelona with every fibre of my being but I'm banking on the feeling dissipating. Finding a winter jacket to buy that is a simple long black coat would be a nice thing... however proving to be ever-elusive. Surely it's not that big of a brief!!!

Minor achievement but I've managed to nearly finish all my 5 induction classes at my new gym. Of course it's all geared up for the hard sell of personal training and nutritional consulting but sadly after having your savings or lack there of used in many various ways without my consent and moving your life across the Atlantic, it's not hard to imagine not having money for such things... But i'm happy to be able to enjoy the spirit and mind lifting benefits of gym induced endorphins.

On the other hand I'm dreaming of sandy beaches and tranquility... a reward to look forward too after all this transition and hard work. For now I would just settle for a nice glass of 'real' red wine over a delicious meal with some good company. The latter however more achievable it may seem is still a few good weeks away yet... Time... I'm kicking your ass and getting closer.

Taking responsibility

This simple... or what one would think was a simple concept is one that has really been on my radar in the last few months. I guess it all started when the reality of my bad personal situation came to light... I was sitting in a lawyer's office desperately trying to get a hold of what was going on and how I could stop the slow moving train wreck that my life seemed to be turning into. As I explained to her the situation and certain party's actions and what my options where to protect myself from them and to also understand what sort of consequence one would face for what they had done to me. In short the lawyer who was as tough as nails with a dryer humour than a gaggle of brits said to me flat out. "Darling... the state is not responsible for your bad choices. It's your responsibility in life to chose a partner who is not going to do these sorts of things to you." I must say I was quite dumbfounded. I couldn't understand how in Spain, that in the eyes of the law the simple fact that I knew who the person who did this flagrantly dishonorable and illegal thing, was simply not accountable for it. It was harsh. But true. Only you can be responsible for your own life and the choices (good and bad) that you make. If you chose to surround yourself with bad people or people who do a damn good job of pretending that they are then it's your deal. This was a bitter pill to swallow but I get it. I'm really the last person in the queue of people winging about 'life owning them something' so yea it makes sense... I may not like it but it makes sense. And so yes, It's a bit baffling but I agree... I didn't make certain bad things happen but the choices that I made leading up to it allowed it to, so for that I am responsible.

Being back in Canada things couldn't be more opposite. This country has a culture of no fault insurance... and Americanized 'I can just sue' if something goes wrong attitued. You slip and fall in the mall (wearing sky high heels for example) it's the mall's fault and responsibility. You're not attending school because you're busy selling drugs... again not your problem as the whole educational system is set up to forgive and forget. And on that note, the school system will actually in a sideways' way blame the student's failings to turn up to class to get an education as the fault of the school system having let you make bad choices... nowhere in the process does the person whom is making these bad choices or their parents (if they're minors) ever have to take responsibility for them. There is always an out and always someone else to blame. I mean even the gym I joined for 2 months told to me that I need to do a 5 session induction (for insurance purposes) because as they explained to me... "it would be terrible for them to let me loose in the gym without knowing the intricate details of how everything worked as I could hurt myself". I mean, okay yes I see the value in safety absolutely but it's just the way that people explain it and understand it and even worse accept this! And apparently if anything does (god forbid) happen to me while there I'm actually still not responsible... it would be the gym. But it would be okay as you know what? Their insurance would cover it! I don't get it... I mean if I'm working out in stilleto's and I fall off the treadmill it's not my fault? (i'm going for humour here folks)... You bet your bottom dollar that the week following they would be erecting a 'no stillies' please' sign above every treadmill in the club!

What sort of world are we living in? I'm sure it's just a bit of culture shock paired up with my relentless mission to get things sorted through in my mind and get my heart and soul back into business and understand a bit better just what it is in my life that seems to be the matter with me, in that I seem to be making very clear mistakes in my personal life and missing the warning signs five miles off... One thing is certain however, and that is when I figure it out. I won't be blaming anyone for it other than myself.

But it's not all bad you see... I remember that one of the big important lessons in life my mother taught me. She told me that life was not easy but for the most part it's damn hard. For the longest time I accepted this as reality and trudged along and sucked it up as 'reality' and just took it and took it. It's only now after recent events when I was speaking to my mum about it that she mentioned one pivotal thing to add onto the life is tough concept... that life is tough but it doesn't mean that when it's tough you sit back and take it until it nearly takes you. You can fight against it so it's not so tough and not so bad. This is so simple but clearly a key thing that I was clearly not processing. D'oh. Mum's logic is only valid when you apply the entire principle in full and not just one part of it. Progress yes, life moving forwards? Yes! Job hunting looking really positive? Yes. Accepting that life is hard (and of course could be a hell of a lot harder) but I'm never going to let myself concede defeat. Hardship is not something to accept... it's an indicator to the fact (5 miles off maybe) that something is not right and it's time to fix it. I'm buying a tool belt because damn it; I've got some life and mind fixing to continue along with and I'm going to need them! Now if I could only read the damn instructions... the set i have are in Japanese!

Leaving a city that you're not yet ready to leave

Is really a lot more difficult that I could have ever imagined... Beautiful Mark U wrote an update on his FB account this week that sort of captured my sentiment about bcn... but he's waxing about Montreal...

"Montreal is that hot f'cked-up chick who says she loves you but is still sleeping with her ex. You leave, but you miss her. You go back, you loathe yourself."

Barcelona is kind of like that with me as from a distance I can clearly see how not just my ridiculously complicated life (for personal reasons of course) but also the way things are there as a whole... the gigantic chasm of apathy that sucks even the most productive pro-active person into no matter how hard they fight it. For me it's a city of great beauty but of also great hardship.

I find it funny as a lot of local people can't fathom why anyone who wasn't from there would want to live there... It seems like a no-brainer but in the end you know what I can see a bit more of their logic now. My mum asked me once... just what it was about Barcelona that was so damn good that caused me to flagrantly overlook the bad... I could not for the life of me answer the question. Was it the horrible tiny expensive flat I lived in? Was it the job that had me working like a zombie? Was it the massive crime rate? Just what was it about this mythical 'quality of life' reason that had any substance to it? I still remain perplexed but yet my heart yearns to be back there but perhaps it's really more my spirit.

I used to joke with people that there are only 3 reasons people end up living in Barecelona:

1) To run away from something... broken heart, broken career... something that didn't work and you don't want to face.

2) Because you fell in love - this again is a very valid one as there are many linked hearts in bcn fueled by summer romances or romantic chance touristic meetings. The pull is strong and the backdrop so damn romantic you can't help but fall without heeding to logic.

4) Because your work transferred you there... this is the category that has the most potential as it means there is financial backing and that there is probably a good logical reason. This is essential for survival... but all too quickly people that fall into this category seem to reveal that there was perhaps a few elements of the first two points to factor in as well...

Life is certainly not easy in Barcelona. Mind you, if you have the luck to have a partner who actually has a job as well and you both pull in more than the mythical mile euros al mes... then you may just have a shot at floating if not even prospering in the cuidad comtal.

My greatest sadness is that I never had that chance to enjoy it that way. I cut off way more than i could chew on the personal side and ended up supporting a certain individual for more than 5 years... that my friends was my error. But all things said... I lived, I learned Spanish... I had an amazing little girl and damn it for the first and hopefully not last time in my life I lived by the beautiful sea.

So Barcelona, I miss you, and yes I feel I was a bit chewed up and spit out by you, but I am not alone.... So all you new venturers who brave the challenge good luck. I'll most certainly not be a stranger to the fair city by the sea... but for the foreseeable future, just as a guest.

Soo....

The painting remains untouched... and so does the first one I started a few weeks ago. Both nearly finished but abandoned at the finishing line... we'll get them sorted eventually I keep telling myself...

I've been doing my best to keep my very ridiculously busy workload in check and really use some of my 'sort out life' time wisely but it's an ever elusive goal. I swear my friends and family deserve gold medals for all the therapy they're pumping out my way to help heal from all of this life upheaval.

On another impossible-esq task we finally found a nice giftie for my mum for her 60th birthday. It's no small feat as she hates spas... has more clothes than madonna and isn't one for any fussy luxuries... yet we wanted to get her something symbolic for this birthday as it's quite the milestone. So after searching and re-confirming that we have VERY expensive taste we settled for this lovely ring we found at tiffany's. We LOVED the gold one but the price did not LOVE us... the silver one is beautiful too. It's got 5 bands... symbolizing one for each of her daughters and grand daughters. It's delicate and timeless. We just hope she likes it as she's not worn any jewelry since my father died and she stopped wearing her wedding band. We where kind of hoping she loved it and would wear it every day as a reminder of all her girls and how much we love her!
The Elsa Peretti wave five-row ring (pretty!)

It was so funny to enter into a shop like Tiffany's. If you know me it's something that I'm sure you can't imagine me ever doing... nor quite frankly likely to ever do again... But I found it fascinating the diamonds. I had no idea they existed like that. I mean i've seen some real whoppers worn by some ladies while I was working down in South Kensington when I was living in London and such but wow, to see them like that in the shop I was really dazzled. I was a small bit saddened as the little canadian girl in me I guess has the princess dream still flickering in the back of my mind that one day I'll get married and be given a lovely ring (not that i could even fathom the likes of these ones) but that I would have that *gasp* moment with someone I really loved... the realist in me is very quick to refute this ridiculous fantasy as it's simply so wasteful in spending what could surely be considered a solid down payment on a house on a shiny rock... It's all just a bit ridiculous and showy really... but I am happy for the people to whom it brings joy to them for having such things. The biggest value to me would be a person who love and adored me as I did them and wanted to spend their life with Sienna and I (no shiny rocks required)... and that my friends would be the greatest gift in the world... no small task of course... well we'll just store that away in the pipe dream file for the time being...

good days and bad, good days and bad.

*deep breath*

Apart from the daily grind

That is most certainly the daily grind these days... I managed to squeeze in a tiny bit of painting this afternoon...

He's not finished yet... he needs to be much more pink... but we're getting there... and I know, I know... it's not a naked lady! What ever has become of me? I guess we can thank Luca who strongly insisted that I try painting something other than a naked lady... So sienna chose a lion and a pink one of course so we're working to that... looks a bit sinister right now... I kind of like it that way... maybe I should leave him half done. What do you think? lots more texture or stop!?!?

This day started waaaaaaay early

to the tune of 3h30 am...but finishing work this early is also a bonus. I'll catch a cat nap on the way to my gp's house this afternoon which should help re-vitalize.

Lilli has been my faithful or not so faithful early morning work compainion... some good she is!


I'm at long last having a positive day having at last past through the other side of a pretty 'down' first part of the week. But happiness is on the way back... and it will be good and balanced happiness. Or so the plan goes...

I'm mostly missing you today... you know who you are *wink*

okay and you too....

*kiss*

note to self

you may not pass go, you may not collect 200 dollars until you're damn well sorted.

Stop kidding youself that i can be any other way...

back of the class and detention after school.

I want to drop out...

lifting spirits

back working today (remotely) and it seems to have help lift my spirits a lot which is good. How peverse if you ask me.

The mild climes today meant fog in the early morning which made things look right spooky.

Lilli is preparing for hallowe'en with her little costume. I've got some better pics of it i'll put up later...

BatFink!!!!

i've been torturing myself

i've been looking at some of the flats that i've lived in before in london... rented of course and shared but man... when you look back at some of them I can't imagine how lucky I was to have that experience. It would take a lifetime of insane work to even remotely be able to afford any of them anymore! Best get checking my lotto numbers...

or alternately best set the bar a wee bit lower and give myself a bit of a break.

moving to a quaint little pueblo somehwere has never seemed so appealing... an no, brampton is not considered a pueblo... nice try kj.

un pequeñito por favor

si la persona de Apaseo El Grande quien esta leyendo mi blog al mínimo 5 veces al dia puede contactarme? Estoy segura que conoces algo de Alfredo o eres el... por favor. déjame un comentario con tus datos y podemos hablar??? Se puede ayudar el futuro de una niña inocente que merece seguridad en su pequeña vida.

Gracias.

you know you're in Canada when...

• you turn on the hot tap in a public toilet and hot water actually comes out
• 'small' in most shops is too big...
• you find yourself saying... "my god this simply does not exist in Spain"
• You find yourself saying 100 times a day 'man it's damn cold'
• 21h seems like a reasonable time to go to bed
• 5 am seems like a resonable hour to get up
• They give you food you don't finish when dining out. to 'take home'

that pretty much sums up my reality.

don't get me wrong. the family portion of this stopover is lovely. The rest of it will take some adjusting to.

But explain to me one thing? why is spotify not available here? Is this some cruel torture?

Paging Alfredo "Fredy" Durante

Anyone who reads my blog who knows Alfredo "Fredy" Durante Tejero please have him contact me regarding his whereabouts so I can serve him papers regarding custody of our child.

It's got to be official so here it is on the www.

Life's fun yea?

Well we've just got to roll with it. Get it sorted and move on.

thank you... now back to regular blogging.

it should be...

getting better... things should be starting to feel more positive and move forward and all that. But it's not. My life remains fragmented and my heart feels like it's going to give up.

Day one of holiday

I'm feeling guilty as that's what I do best really... but Sienna started her new school today and I've got one whole week to myself to try and rest and recover from this seemingly never ending ordeal. I think it's been so long in coming that I almost don't even know what to do with myself. You just run on empty for such a long time you forget how to re-fuel. The plan is for now, gym, painting, sleeping and as few life admin things as possible.

I've just finished doing some research through some stock photo sites for inspiration. I found the image i used as a base for the Chiara painting way back when... neat to see the original image and then the end result next to one and other...

I'm mostly...

loving the fact that in Canadialandia I can wear a size 6! Hilarious. I don't quite believe it but we'll roll with it. KJ insighted a great deal of expenditure yesterday which of course today has brought a bit of buyer's remorse but considering that everything was 40% off it could have been a lot worse!

Thanksgiving supper yesterday was a success and Lilli surprisingly didn't have to be quarantined. The girls played together and I think had the best time out of everyone. The exhaustion at the end of the day was apparent for all. Most comically the girls where outside trying out their new hockey sticks. Sienna has a lot of catching up to do in order to become a bit more 'canadian'. I think they look more like they are sweeping rather than playing hockey!



However she wasn't tired enough to sleep in this morning and by half past 7 in the morning she was outside playing with her new sand box that her cousing mark bought for her. She has been spoiled rotten since we arrived. I'm not quite sure she'll ever agree to leave here!



I on the other hand am missing Barcelona dearly. But i know this is the only option for us right now so I need to just focus on getting back on track and moving away from all the harm and negativity that certain parties cast on us. Sometimes time just doesn't tick fast enough and when your heart is somewhere but your body is elsewhere you quickly feel quite disassembled. I'm furiously dreaming about the positive and amazing energies I've been blessed with lately. Dreams dreams and more dreams. They help bridge the gaps. But the butterflies are still there in my tummy. I hope they stay a good long while.

Jet lag

means half six in the morning wake ups... but i'm planning to try and keep hold of the early starts and get my work day done by early afternoon when I start back up working in about a week's time.

I took Sienna and Lilli for a very chilly walk last evening. We didn't make it too too far but Sienna trooped through the leaves and was quite entertained. Lilli is filled with terror and I don't see her adjusting too too well to the climate here. Wait till she sees snow!

We're celebrating a delayed thanks giving here today as last weekend my grandfather was in the hospital and we where still in Spain. I think I"ll have to sedate the poor dog as having 16 people in the house will cause her to have a nervous breakdown... don't worry I won't actually do that to her i'm not that evil! My grandfather has requested poutine and so i am happy to oblige. It's nice that we're here to spend some time with him as he's been increasingly ill and thus we're starting to worry that these may be his last days with us. Which is fair as he's 92 but we're not quite ready to see him off yet! Instead we'll enjoy all the time we have with him.

Luca's fiesta major seemed to be a great success last night. We were so sad to not be there but the text i received at half nine Spanish time this morning confirms that it went on until the wee hours of the next day! Sounds quite righteous.

Joey and Pierre are getting married today in a small civil ceremony in Scotland. It was planned this way so both their parents could be there to witness. But I'm sad they didn't do the Tuscan adventure that they had once talked about. Maybe we can do a celebration there this summer for them!?!?! Por esto me apunto!

Drink the water...

"Drink the water" he tells me... it's not about the glass being half full or half empty or in my insistence that the glass is 'teetering dangerously close to the edge of the table and about to fall off'... it's all a matter of perspective and the way you chose to look at things in invariably affects their outcome. So drink it i did and i hope to continue to do so :)

we arrived safely after a long journey. who would have thought that travelling with a small child and a small dog would have not been a nightmare. It's not a new life for me I keep insisting. It's a new chapter as you can never erase the past events you can just keep moving forwards and creating new and better ones. Again... it's all about perspective. See I do listen!

Did I mention I've got 2 weeks off? Yes that is a very very nice thing after all of this. I can't remember that last time that I've felt such need for some time off!

Time is ticking swiftly

And the hours left here in bcn are nearly up. Not knowing a final destination means that my packing and shipping of things has been fragmented. Measuring and costing up the best options of what to send where and when as over-spilled throughout my house.

We popped out a little bit this afternoon so that little miss I want to destroy everything instead of helping could burn off some steam. We met up with Mele and Nico and Nacho and Chiara and Luca at JC's new bar that he's just taken over called Bar Salvador. As they've just recently opened and not many people have figured out it exists on a Sunday now whereas in it's past life it was only open during the week at lunch time... it was empty. It was a perfect substitute living room for Sienna to romp around and play with all of them before we jet off.

Chiara and mele snapped some lovely pics but here is a lovely one of miss sienna and uncle luca.

Too many goodbyes

are always so hard. leaving somewhere you don't want to leave is impossibly difficult but still necessary. I guess I'm firmly locking into the anger phase of this process... I don't have much choice now I've made the decisions I have. I've got to stick with them.

I've had the joy and allegria of some light in my life in the past week. In some ways I'm feeling like a teenager again and really enjoying it. I am so blessed to have so much love around me. I am indeed enjoying it, but that of course makes it even harder to leave... but all new chapters must start somewhere.

Chiarita, Millie, Moi (an update to this pic will follow in January!)

Summer is defiantly on it's way out...

The cool breezes are certainly blowing through, but the sun is still shining which is always good. Some parties have been enjoying the spoils of bribery in that if she goes to sleep without crying she is sometimes rewarded with an ice cream. The other day she requested a blue one. I had to search high and low for one but I found it! And man did she ever enjoy it! It's not for the faint hearted as apparently it comes back out the same colour too.... ewwwwwwwwwwww yea i know i know thanks for sharing...



Leave it to the every law abiding canadian's to get kicked off the beach in barcelona early on a sunday morning... a cuntish german lifeguard turfed us for having a 'dog'. I'm like??? the height of summer there are dogs swimming for goodness sake! But because we're obedient little people we left.. but i snapped some wicked photies while we where there...


Maria and Miss Lilli


Miss Sienna and a pretty butterfly (how i got this shot i'll never quite know)

So after being dejected from the beach we went to a second hand sale that Layla was selling her wares at... I snagged a 100% silk hoss dress for 5 euros! Schweeet... now i just have to decide if i'm going to keep it or ebay it and make some real moolah from it...

Starting over...

well it needs to start somewhere. Although I fear being over exposed writing on my blog, I'll be damned to give it up after nearly 10 years of writing.

Things are winding up for wee me, Lilli Martini and I here in Barcelona. There are many a sad tale to tell about how and why and such but it makes no sense to dwell on past events. We wish certain individuals in our recent past a good riddance and while feeling sad for them have accepted to move on and avoid any further bad things.

The move is a tough one as it's always hard to leave somewhere that you are not ready to leave. But in this situation time is of the essence and the faster we're in a positive, less-stressful environment the better. Doing so however is no small task. I used to be the queen of picking up my life in an instant and flitting on to something different. However in the last 10 years my life has changed quite a lot and it's no longer just me that I have to account for. The winds are blowing in a northerly direction. But nothing is certain yet and with the way things have been going lately the final port may just be somewhere entirely different. We're trying to keep things in stride and keep the options open.

I'm blessed that my mum has been here with us for the past month and she's been a rock for me.

However we're embracing the 'living in the now' mantra and enjoy this sunny merce fesitval weekend. The last bit of Spanish culture before we depart. Wish us luck!

Where am I?

Asked my ever loyal ATG... a bit here there and everywhere. Rough times for me mean a complete stop to writing... I'm praying that I'm about to come out the other side now... but the light at the end of the tunnel could very well be a train... lets wait and see. So in the interim I"ll do my best to muster up some pics from summer fun that has been had so far. So many visitors there has not been a dull moment...

Miss Sienna and Miss Lilli whooped it up today at the fiesta major de Gracia. They entered the pet competition and won! They beat out the competition and came home with fun prizes for Lilli including enough food to keep her fed for about 4 months... she's glaring at me from the other side of the bed as she was none too pleased to have to a) leave the house b) have sienna walk her and c) go up on stage in front a crowd of people. The dog bowl they gave her as a prize as well is a good size for a bed so hey, we're greatful!


The entry (Sienna wasn't even a tiny bit shy) Lilli made sure to look terrified.


Cute puppy that was up for adoption


no, no matter how cute you look up at me with those 'can we have this puppy eyes' the answer is sadly, no.

And the girls step up to claim their 'smallest dog prize'

Kudos to me for managing to do it all in Catalan... I didn't say anything I left that up to Sienna but I had to follow the instructions... nerve wrecking!

Auntie Jo jo was one of many visitors and she spoiled wee sienna rotten...


Dave and Lisa and her beautiful kiddies stopped by too and Sienna had a blast chasing after them trying to keep up!


And then there was the 5 minutes peace and the cost saving girlie congregation on my terrace to do mani pedis with Chiara and Millie


And other than that... well too many things but we're spinning round and round. Lets just hope we stop at the right place!


and watch out to make sure we don't get ourselves into trouble

and give everyone including dada lots of hugs



and of course keep busy... and keep chins up and try my best to start writing again... that may help?

Going Down

For a minute last week I really actually thought I was having a nervous breakdown. Things have been pretty darn stressful here at work and the pressure is quite high. Couple that with trying to have family life that actually includes me participating, makes it stressful without even a hint of exaggeration.

I was zipping to a production meeting after having sat through 2h of back to back client calls. I jumped into the lift with my laptop in arms and punched the 5th floor. I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath and repeated to myself the ‘we just make websites’ mantra to try and bring things down a little bit. Just as I did I felt like I drifted off for a minute. During that time I had the distinct feeling that I was going down… since I work below the 5th floor going down was not quite what I was expecting … The other strange thing was that I had actually been in the lift for way longer than needed but the doors had not opened yet. When I looked at the floor I was on on the little lcd panel it said -3 . I burst out laughing as I couldn’t quite believe that I had lost my marbles in the lift at work. There is no -3 in my office so clearly I was losing my mind. How odd I thought to myself. I really never thought that It would come to me having a nervous breakdown in the lift at work. I couldn’t help but feel this as what else could possibly explain this detachment from reality? Just then the doors opened. There is a woman standing there who says to me in rapid fire Spanish. Oh sorry I guess I pressed the button to call the lift just before you entered that’s probably why you ended up down here. I must have looked like I had seen a ghost as she sort of raised an eyebrow to me and was like… are you okay? I just gave her a smile and assured her I was simply not expecting to be heading downwards when I was on the way up. So low and behold out building has underground parking. It’s access via a key that you turn on the panel but not a button thus why I had never seen it before. The lady flitted out on the ground floor and I slowly made my way back up up up till I finally reached the 5th floor. My nervous breakdown was thus gladly just a misunderstanding… or perhaps a good warning to me to slow down as really, do I want to lose my marbles in a lift? Lord knows in what state they would have discovered me. I’m thinking more along the line of me frozen in the lift with a slack jaw with a funny squishy kind of like “I don’t quite get this” look on my face…

Ahh saritah…

On the other hand there is this really brilliant exhibit on in one of my favorite galleries on Montcada. We went to the opening of "Pedro Garcia Villegas’ new show called politically incorrect. I adore his decoupage art it’s truly amazing the portraits he creates using old French magazines. I fell so in love with his work a while back but didn’t know who he was. I saw them setting up the show earlier in the week and popped in and was delighted to meet the man himself. His opening was a huge success and nearly all the pieces were sold just a few hours in! One German doctor bought 6 of them! This lovely Italian lady bought the Frida that I loved. But I did however not leave empty handed. Fredu bought me the printed book of the show so at least I would have a tiny piece of the work and still stay true to our very frugal budget. However at 1700 euros being the top price for some of the pieces it was a really good deal if you’ve got that kind of dosh. If you’re in town check it out you won’t be disappointed.


The beautiful piece that i really liked from Pedro's show

It's all been a bit much

Dany and Andrea eloped to NYC and got married on Brooklyn Bridge. Lukie and Helena's wedding was an absolute delight... Joey's baby bump is glorious and so nearly ready to make her way into this crazy world of ours.

We're flat hunting like mad again but still not much joy on the horizon. The prices also seem to be inching up again thus it's just really a matter of time before it's all crazy crazy prices again.

Work has been very challenging. Staff issues have made this promotion very difficult. I just want to do things well but don't seem to have time for anything as there are so many issues flapping around like a chicken on fire that even working till half two in the morning doesn't seem to help. I can but remind myself as my zen master boss would say... we only make websites, we don't cure cancer.

In the lead up to the big wedding i managed to crank out a painting as a gift for the lovely couple. I wish i had more time for it but it's not bad... not my best work but not bad....



Titled Helena...

Is it actually summer? with all the rain I thought i was confused? More sleep may help!

The other night

I was having supper with the lovely Vero after my haircut with her at Le Petit Salon. While we were waiting for our meals to arrive we saw out the window of the restaurant a father arriving home (late as it was at least half 10 by then) the child was about the same age as Sienna and was crying most likely because it should have been in bed hours earlier. As the father struggled to open the entrance door to the flat and struggled with the pram to get it through vero and I looked at each other with a knowing nod as in.. yep I've been there... two seconds later a small barking dog bounded up and joined the father and child. At that instance we broke out laughing in the spirit of 'oh my god you've made some similar choices to me buddy' Small dog... 2 year old. It was bitter sweet but nice in knowing that we are in no way an island and that a lot of other people have made similar choices and share similar difficulties :)

The hair cut will take a while for me to become accustomed to... but such is the case whenever you change anything. Should be quite good for the "summer just back from the beach look".

Chillaxing at the Beach

After a rainy and somewhat tumultuous week at our flat in bcn with mum, sister and her two wee ones we´ve arrived at a place we rented 2h south of Barcelona. It´s early yet for full on beach action but the sun is hot and we´re working on our tans. Mum surely did chose a great place this year. Too bad the lady has it booked out for the rest of the summer as I would love to come back here for a week when it´s hotter. It´s so nice to be reminded that life exists outside of work and although I have awoken a few times in the middle of the night with a fright that I´d forgotten to mention something in my handover to my colleague... I quickly remember that it´s all good and that I´m on holidays...

so many pictures to sort through... we´ll get there!

I can believe it...

But the ash cloud has decided to interfere with mu mum and sister's fights to Spain... We were so anxiously awaiting their arrival tomorrow morning. Air space is closed and it's not looking likely. It's quite the pain as they're flying a charter so it could mean days off their holiday. I'm half contemplating going back to work next week and just waiting until they do arrive to take my holidays....

We had a lovely visit with miss Siobhan last week. Although it rained incessantly while she was here we still made the most of it. Her dad and step mum were here visiting as they were ending a transatlantic cruise here.

Fredu and Sio had a ball taking tons of pics. there are som really lovely ones here... enjoy!

Auntie Sio and Sienna on her scooter!


my lovely neighbor zeus


Baby body count... they're sleeping.


Olive?


Look it's not raining for like 5 seconds... quick get mama's shades on!


aww dada and lilli

The cat came back...

Well in this case it was the carrito... or in english the pram. I dont know how or why or even how to begin to write about it. But after a 2 week hiatus the pram has returned. Well it wasnt quite returned moreso it was abandoned outside a shop down the street and around the corner. The lovely ladies who work there saw it there abandoned and pulled it inside and kept in in their storage area until last week when Alfredo came in they asked him if he had lost his pram... he assumed that they had heard about it as this neighbourhood is fairly small and everyone knows when something happens... but it wasn´t that... it was that they had it! Its in perfect contidion, with siennas school batita and all the toys and rain cover that were in the storage area beneath the seat. Its so strange and so unexplicable it´s left us feeling a bit out of sorts. We are of course greatful but can´t for the life of us figure out what type of person would do that... and if they stole it then felt remorse why wouldn´t they just bring it back to where they got it from in the first place? These questions of course will never be answered... but for now we've put a lock back on it and will soon just bring the thing upstairs... too much stress... but quite difficult when you´ve got to get it up 120 steps to our house...

A monster cold has taken over and forced my working like mad crazyness to a halt this weekend. I did muster up as much effort as possible to go to my first football match ever this weekend. Wow what an experience. Great seats indeed. Thank you grand fromage from work for bestowing them to me. I´m not great in crowds and never quite understood the massive swell of football fans who attended matches... now I do. I can but say that the only way I can describe it is like being at the worlds busiest airport with a heaving crowd of people with absolutely no manners. We had VIP tickets which made it pleasant before the match and at half time but the walk from the area to the seats we were pushed and jostled... it was a bit much for me. Well the one thing that can be said is that although I was indeed thankful for having the experience, I don´t think I´ll be returning again in hurry. Watching a match or two during the world cup once every 4 year on tele is much much more enjoyable.

The torrential rain...

Decided to start just as I was about to step out from the gym with wee miss who's hair I had just carefully dried. Murphy's law some would say... Just my luck is more like what I was thinking... but we didn't melt as although my sugar consumption is often high... i'm not made of the stuff.

I get these funny flashbacks when I teach Sienna how to swim. I spend so many years of my adolescent life teaching hundreds of kids how to swim when I worked at the local pool as a swimming instructor and lifeguard. I think I can do it on auto pilot. Flutter board in hand I go through all the same lessons that for some reason I've not forgotten. Luckily she's fearless and hates wearing water wings... combined with her stubbornness surely means she'll be swimming on her own in no time. We were indeed fortunate to have a swimming pool in our backgarden for most of our lives until I turned 12 and we moved to the new house. I guess living 10 minutes from the sea is pretty cool too but not quite the same when you're trying to learn. Good thing the new gym just opened near my house. I swear, nothing melts away the stress of a crazy day faster than seeing wee miss float on her back with arms and legs out like a starfish while singing twinkle twinkle little star. I'm hoping she sleeps well tonight as a result!

As with everything in life...
You´ve got to keep moving... It´s been hard to get past the anger and frustration of being robbed not once but twice in the span of two weeks. My work load these days is not helping in that Im working betweek 10 to 12h a day minimum is not helping... and things just seem to pile up and up and the stress is really opressive. Luckily some suprise arrivals have helped keep me trucking along.

The lovely miss Siobhan is arriving at the begining of may for a visit. Her father is going to be here from Canada for a cruise so he´s helped her with the pennies required to travel from the west coast of France to here. I´ve not seen her in nearly 4 years now which is just silly as her and I spent so many of our summers together when she was living in Portugal. I´m so excited for her to meet sienna and lilli and fredu.

Then a week or so later mum and sis and her brood will arrive for a two week sejour. This is the best as I´ve got the time booked off from work and albeit early it will be my summer holiday. It´s going to be a very tight squeeze getting all of them to fit in our tiny abode but it will be so so nice to have them here we will overcome it.

On our way to a bbq at a friend´s house in poble nou yesterday we spotted these cute little solar powered flowers in the window of one of the chinese shops. They were a bargain at 2euros each so we bought 3. They do help cheer things up. I think I may just bring one into the office.



so cute!

enjoy the full action of the ktich solar dancing flower in this video.


and if that doesn´t lighten things... miss sienna sporting uncle luca´s moto helmet just may...

Sometimes life leads you to where you need to be going...

However in this case i think it´s becoming clearer to us that that would be out of this neighbourhood. Some lovely person stole our child´s pram from the entrance way of our flat. It was not just sitting there of course. It was behind a locked door. But seeing as the delighful owner of the building has refused to get the front door properly fixed, it does not shut properly unless you really tug on it. So some nice kind soul decided it was a good idea to steal our sole means of transport. Words simply cannot describe how heartbroken I felt. I felt sad for the person who stole it... i felt sad for the world we live in that makes stealing a pram to (re-sell for cash I would assume). Just the week before someone stole Alfredo´s iphone right out of his hand while he was talking to me. I could hear the robbers take it... run away with in then i could hear the person whom they passed it to havea relaxed chat with his friends in arabic. Such a pleasant place to live don´t you think... desperate times have fallen upon this city. Petty crime is rife and we´ve been hit pretty hard in the past couple days. we´ve not got much and damn it... now we have even less. I really feel like we´re letting the wee one down by continuing to live here. However one thing keeping me here for now is that I´ve recently been given a promotion... so it´s not really the ideal time to pick up and leave. Good thing really as after all this craziness it would be a very inviting idea.

I know i know it´s just material things but it´s the loss of confidence the loss of feeling of security. I really think some majorly postive flat hunting energy would be appreciated so we can get the hell out of this jungle.

So barcelona and the street urchins that are slowly taking over it... can go and stuff it where the sun don´t shine because I´m not full of much love for either of you these days.

I wasn't too sure if it was humanly possible...

to work more than 17h overtime this weekend to get this important site live... and still have the energy to go to my birthday party... but it turned out that it was... The last 4h of overtime were put in on Sunday after only returning home from said party at 4am... it was a struggle to say the least... but yea we partied like it was my birthday... didn't drink bacardi like it was my birthday but we did have cava! I'm blessed to have fab friends... ironic dancing photographic proof photo? Yup here you have it...


Double chins (care of middle age) and ironic dancing of course...

Not quite sure how much more I can give to work this week... this crazy weekend working and then again last night and tonight are leaving me high and dry energy-wise... good thing the new gym in my hood opens on the 1st. It was a bit sad today as I resigned from my gym of 5 years... one of the first, I live in Barcelona things I did when I first moved here... even before getting my social security number. But today I resigned and will give this new one, closer to my house one... a chance... and if by August I hate it I can always toss it in and join my old gym again as they have a free joining around then every year...

On a totally un-related issue... is it normal that one's dog runs and hides when you try and take her for a walk... I think we got a human in a dog suit when we bought her... wonder if I still have the receipt? I jest... I'm sure it's something that we're doing wrong but I cant' quite seem to find an episode of the dog whisperer that addresses this. Even food motivation hardly works... Help Lilli Cesar... come to Barcelona and help us figure out how to be better doggie owners please!

There are about 30 Pink Balloons...

although I wish there were 99 and they were red so I could humm that song... but alas they are pink and plentiful and of course remnants of Sienna and Alfredo's Balloon madness that they unleashed upon the flat last night... knowing how insanely small our place is, you can only image how much extra chaos it adds to the ambiance if you will...



Working late and on weekends has returned... and it should be quite a challenge seeing that Fredu has arranged a big party for Saturday to celebrate my birthday... there are two major things holding it back, first the fact that the invites aren't ready yet and second... if all our friends are there it will be impossible to get any of them to mind the wee one... thus Fredu will have no choice but to stay home :( The next challenge will be me getting up on Sunday to complete the work that I need to do to deliver this website to a client by Monday... anyone have a magic wand?

The annual time has now passed

And with my birthday having been yesterday I’ve got to make the annual blog change of my age in the left hand column… it’s getting harder and I’m dangerously close to opting for the 30 something tag rather than the real age… okay okay one more year… I’ll change it to 34 now *sigh* it’s all just so surreal as when I started this blog I was 25!!!

I had a lovely day yesterday with fabulous friends and had greetings from everyone which always makes me warm and tingly!

Spring or the concept thereof, of spring has returned to BCN and it’s to be 18 today which is nice. Not long now and mum and sis and her brood will be jetting over to see us. May is of course still a way off but I need to have that goal to get me through another work week.

It's my birthday soon...

Well in just a few days to be precise. But it's the wee one who got a fabulous pressie yesterday. A year earlier than the reccomended age but you know it's just 'reccommended'...



We were busy scooting with her down the beach yesterday. It didn't take long to get the balance going and within a week or so i'm sure she'll be scooting along with us runnig behind, but until then we'll mostly be working on tightening that tricky side-butt muscle as we help her balance while moving along. Who knew!?! Seasoned expert miss Wendy added in a nice long yoga strap on the handle bar so you can help steer and pull... don't worry mum we're going to get her a wee helmet too.

The sun has finally returned to Barcelona but not quite the warmpth...

Tomorrow marks Fredu and I's 6th anniversary. So much time gone by so quickly. Miss millie has offered to mind the wee one so we can go out and do something to celebrate... must cook up something! Any ideas???

We’re not enemies we’re just bad friends…

We have recently become avid watchers… Of phineas and ferb… We are more than happy to admit the fact that we appreciate it far more than Sienna does… in fact I think we openly delight when It’s 19h30 and it comes on… We merrily flip between the EN and ES version of it as the songs are way better in EN but the dialogue and most characters sound much better in Spanish.

I will also admit to having a Perry the Platypus Ring tone on my mobile (okay so does Fredu)…



Soooooo join the madness… Wikipedia will enlighten you if you’ve not yet had the pleasure of what this is all about…

The series follows two suburban stepbrothers on summer vacation. Each day the pair devise ambitious, involved plans and inventions to stave off boredom, often bringing them into conflict with their sister, Candace. The series follows a standard plot system; running gags occur every episode, and the B-Plot almost always features the boys' pet platypus, Perry, acting as a secret agent to fight an evil scientist named Heinz Doofenshmirtz. The two plots intersect at the end to erase all traces of the boys' project just before Candace can show it to their mother.

The other day while Alfredo was out I was watching an episode with Sienna while she drank her pre-bed milk. She was sitting in her little chair watching away. Now I have to mention here that we really never thought she processed very much of the show as there is so much dialogue… but in this episode, Perry the Platypus’ nemesis Heinz Doofenshmirtz has decided to ‘break up with him’ and replace him with a new nemesis named Peter the Panda (from Seattle) . It’s pretty funny as Perry starts to shed some tears when he accepts their relationship is over. He approaches this storage area within his secret layer and can be seen putting away his evil fighting hat that changes him from a normal platypus into “Agent P” . At this very moment a very sad little face turns to me from her chair, eyes filled with tears and in her little most sad voice says “mama, perry, hat!” And then breaks down crying. The poor little sausage. This was the point where it became perfectly clear to me that she totally understands what’s going on. She transferred to my lap for the remainder of the episode with me re-assuring her that Perry would get his hat back and that all would be okay… watch and enjoy!

On the upside of things

The 8th of March passed and both Miss Seestor and Miss Jojo celebrated another birthday... and thank goodness this year I wasn't held up in the hospital recovering from apendicitis.

The downside is that the flat hunting has fallen flat... the lady who was kind of strining us along with the promise we were the first people she would give the flat to has fallen off the radar and thus we can but sigh and resign that it wasn't for us... nothing else seems remotely affordable or remotely attractive... at least summer is supposed to be approaching... that being said, it snowed here in Barcelona for the first time in over 20 years. It was really funny to see how excited all the people were to see snow! Sienna played contently at the window with the snow out on the terrace until her hands turned red from the cold... she was not into the mittens we put on her to prolong the fun... it's melted now but we're stuck in a cold snap that is seeing me wear my hat indoors and by dressing gown over my clothes to keep warm... brrrrrrrrrrr it's -4 with the wind chill. Not fun in a house with no heating and tile floors and windows that don't even shut properly!!! Summer please hurry up!

While the Canadian Nation celebrates...

The big hockey win... I was busy sifting through a gagillion new photos Fredu downloaded... it's such a feast for me to do this and I just love seeing his work and of course... the wee miss features heavily in the shots but we like!

The weekend was lovely and relaxing... I'm really starting to get the hang of having my life back and not working all the time!

We're feeling kind of home sick these days and so in honour of my most beautiful sister we had a 20 repeat marathon of the Party in the USA song by miss miley... Sienna requests -more hannah- when she wants to hear it again. So cute to hear her laugh... it's nice when a song reminds you of someone!


Rock Chick


Fredu in Sienna post carnival - having sushi


This looks like an innocent pic...


but yes... that is chocolate smeared on my face!


Naughty Millie!


Portrait of Dada taken by Sienna while i held the camera for her.


Little madam in her sonia rykiel beret *from the H and M collection of course


She surrenders!


Pinkie!!!


Beautiful shot with auntie mille!


Peak a boo!